i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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