You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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