dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
