if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
