AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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