This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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