what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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