I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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