I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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