Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
