Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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