literally had 100 drinks last night.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
