I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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