Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize
