i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
