i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
