i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Randomize
