I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
