Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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