Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I know her cup size but not her name....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
