I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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