My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
