my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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