Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
