Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
