A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
