Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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