There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
