Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
