all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
