So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
