I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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