i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
