Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
