One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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