i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
