Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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