i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
