I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
