he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
