I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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