he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
