whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
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