im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
