I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
