I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
