Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Randomize
