She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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