The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
