coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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