I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
