and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
